Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Evaluation part 1, behavioral/social

Alright, deep breath.

Today was my son's first part of his evaluation. Yesterday he turned 5, it's been a big week.

I was surprised as soon as walked into the little office and shut the door to be told I was leaving my son there, alone. He seemed cool with it, so I reminded him where I would be, and went back out to waiting room. Then I broke into a full on panic. I don't leave my son alone with people I don't know, like, ever. This is based on my personal history, not my sons feelings about it. I texted a friend of mine who reassured me that he was fine, safe, and yes it would be disruptive to go back and ask they leave the door open. I was told it would be 40 minutes, it seemed to go by faster. When I walked into the room, I shut the door, and went to sit at the desk. I was quickly told, "Oh don't sit, we aren't talking now." So stunned I stood back up, and continued to stand for the 10 minutes of talking that followed. (I'm sorry I just thought that was weird)

He holds up a picture he had Will draw of his family, and he had labeled. It showed my husband, very tall center of page, Will to left almost as big as his dad, my father in law to the right, smaller than both of them, then another person, I forgot who, then Ben, his little brother very small up near the right corner, and finally me, tiny, in the very corner, furthest away from Will. I was told that this showed the bond between Will and my husband-yeah, I knew that! He thinks his dad is the best. man. ever. He told me that Will's fine motor skills were behind, but he doesn't spend much time drawing, and when he does its a quick scribble before he runs of to something else. So, again not a surprise.

He told me that Will has problems with memory, that unless its about trucks or toys, or something that he likes, he doesn't retain it. Also not following directions, again things I knew. He said we were going to have to watch him closely in kindergarten and first grade, because he was not going to be thinking about what he was supposed to be. I have been worried about this.

He touched on some behavioral things, not following directions, knowing he should not be doing something, but doing it anyway, then being mad when he got in trouble-or specifically "when daddy yells at me" then sad when he knew why he wasn't supposed to do it. He said that was all normal, he was concerned about the memory stuff and lack of attention. They also discussed how we as a family are annoying but he likes us anyway-a typical will statement, also that school is boring, and he gets mad when he has to go, again, not new-I have to fight that kid into his clothes every day and out the door.

Next week we go back for the cognitive part. So after all of this, I'm bummed. The only thing I was told today that was new was the fine motor piece, but that makes perfect sense to me. I guess on some level I was hoping he would charm them like he does with everyone else, they would tell me he was a good kid, but there were things to be fixed. Instead all the things I have been worried about were confirmed and said back to me, by someone who spent 40 minutes with my child. That is hard to swallow, and then even more fun to explain over and over and over again.

When I spoke to my husband about all of it, he was at work, so I gave him the facts and he said "ok gotta go,"' I stopped him from hanging up, and told him what was bothering me, how everything I said was confirmed, when I kind of didn't want it to be. He said, "well, you wanted to do this!" I went off. I gave him all the reasons I did this. First, how could I set my kid up to fail, by not addressing it, and then sending him to school, so he could fail, and then hate school. Second, I did not want my husbands and sons relationship to deteriorate any further, that Will was getting in trouble, Dave was yelling, I told him that he wasn't doing anything I had not done a million times but it didn't work, and if we did not know what to do that did work, than it was our job as his parents to get help and figure it out. He agreed.

I really just want to skip ahead to the counseling part. This all felt so negative, I'm so used to being told how cute, how smart, how funny, how imaginative he is, how well he talks. I really just want to use all those positives to work on this, it sucks to have to put out all the negatives and stare them in the face. We go back in a week.

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