Saturday, April 10, 2010

Gathering information.

I feel like since we went to that interview appointment. I have been fixated on ADHD.

I've done a lot of reading, which alone is a stressful experience. Try googling ADHD...and get inundated with links to all kinds of things that may or may not be anything more than someones opinion. I have found a few links that seem to be reputable... CHADD, parents of children with adhd both have forums. The thing is when I go into these forums, I do not find support so much as they scare the heck out of me.

I'm reading people referring to their child as "my ADHD" in all fairness, maybe that is shorthand forum speak, but my mind rejects that and screams-you mean your child! How do you refer to your child as a bunch of initials?  I'm reading about kids on meds to treat ADHD, and then more meds to treat the side effects. About kids with poor appetites, who aren't able to sleep without help.  I'm a nurse. I understand that while meds are extremely helpful to people, all have side effects. I just cannot imagine my son dealing with that. I want to help make managing his life easier for him, not add things that make him physically feel worse.

One thing that I found that was very helpful was this free suite 101 course parenting ADHD children, so far I have read about half of it, but that took three hours, while I took notes and cut and paste some worksheets into my email for easy locating. The opening paragraph described my life so directly I knew I had finally found something helpful.

Parenting ADHD Children


You are going to be late for work - again! You have already spent 20 minutes cajoling, yelling, and threatening your son to get out of bed, get dressed and eat breakfast so he won't miss the school bus - again! He has dawdled, gotten distracted with toys, can't find his clothes, or his schoolbooks. He is moody, grumpy, and belligerent. You are angry, frustrated and wonder how long you will be able to continue the reminding, threatening, and punishing before your child finally "learns" what he is supposed to do! You've tried every parenting technique you can think of. Your friends and family have a ready list of new options for you to try. "If only you would do this!" or "You must be doing something wrong!" It doesn't help. You're tired, frustrated and have a sinking feeling that there are no solutions, that it will only get worse, and that you are trapped! What's worse, nobody seems to understand. Everybody thinks you're a bad parent. But you know you are working hard at being a good parent. Even your parents don't understand how hard you work at this. There are days you hate your child, then immediately feel guilty and remorseful. "How can I hate him? He was my baby who I cuddled and loved. How can this be happening? What am I doing wrong? Maybe, I just need to try harder..."

This is my life, with the exception of my William is a poor sleeper and beats us out of bed every morning of his life, he wakes up between 4 and 5 am.

I have been doing lots and lots of talking with family, with my husband. Kind of prepping them for what I think (what I know) is coming. I know my husbands entire parenting style, is wrong. Or wrong for dealing with a child with these particular issues. I also know I can't tell him that, so I'm waiting for him to hear from people who are "professionals".  I spoke to my mother in law, and as luck would have it, she has seen Will acting up twice this week. It is hard to have anything to say when you see how out of control this kid can be sometimes. She was wonderful, and open and ready to see what the evaluations say, and that is all I can ask for at this stage of the game. 

At the interview we were given forms to fill out, and have his teachers fill out. I explained to his preschool teacher that I was bringing in forms. She told me that she didn't think so, "NOT WILL!"  Ummmm, yeah Will, my son? The child I have been raising for 5 years?  The one both me and my mom have spoken to you about his behavior at home, asking how he behaved at school?  I again described things that he does that are concerning to me. She said, "I would never believe it if I saw it." How am I supposed to handle that? Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe I don't know my kid? Maybe I'm doing it wrong? I suck at parenting? Then I re-read the introduction above, and I remember that I do know my kid, and because I am his mom I have to do what my gut is telling me. So I am, but part of me wishes I had never asked the question.

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